Self-help books and cultural messages
rarely acknowledge that good attitudes and habits must be cultivated. You don’t
read a book, start spinning a few plates, and then watch them spin forever as
the universe unlocks for you. Proverbs 24:16 states, “For the righteous falls
seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” It
doesn’t state,” The righteous does not fall.” It also, doesn’t state, “The
righteous falls once,” or “if calamity comes,” but the text clearly states,
“the righteous falls seven times and rises again . . . in times of calamity.”
Seven times is often the biblical number for a large or even infinite amount of
times. The message is clear—everyone falls, but the righteous (we can imply a
person who doesn’t give up, here) rises again. Also implicit in this message,
is if that if we fall continually and rise each time, we will eventually get it
right with a right heart towards God, a good attitude towards life, and a
little common sense.
Very few writers of self-help books tell
you this. Most writers of self-help books give you a series of steps or beliefs
to follow, and claim it will unlock the universe to you forever. And if it
doesn’t, there is something wrong with you, your mind, or how you are executing
the system they gave you. This seems to be an implied cultural message
regarding success as well. Never is it possible that you could believe what
they are instructing, that you are following directions clearly and
consistently, and that results just don’t come as easily to you as to some.
If you are like me, you spin and spin and
read and spin some more, but some of the plates still stall, topple, fall, and
shatter. I screw up. A lot.
As stated previously, if you were
conditioned with dysfunctional thinking, you have depression or anxiety issues,
or you face unique hardships, those are not excuses. They are facts of life,
and sometimes they can create added challenges in cultivating an attitude of
gratitude, or any other cultivation of positive mental or spiritual habits. Hardships
and setbacks are not excuses to be a victim. They are not excuses not to try.
They are not excuses to make excuses: “Let us not grow weary, for in due
season, we will reap if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9. However, those added
challenges can make the road seem longer, the obstacles greater, and the
challenge more daunting.
It is important to acknowledge the truth
of your situation, without shame. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you have to try
many, many times before you succeed. When you grow slowly, provided you are
growing steadily, God usually has a special purpose for you. Only great plants
grow so slowly, so that the have deep roots, solid structures, and firm
foundations for their great size. For example in the parable of the fern and
the bamboo, a little bamboo plant does not form a sprout for many years, while
its luscious fern cousins sprout beautiful leaves from the first year. Still,
for many years, from the bamboo comes nothing. Until the fourth year, a tiny
sprout emerges. Within six months, the bamboo towers over everything in the
forest. If the cultivator had given up on the bamboo, it would never grow to
its full potential. Those that persist through screw-ups, shattered plates, and
slow growth are often the ones who become the greatest.
Everyone has dysfunctions in various areas
of their lives, even functional and optimistic people. Some human growth teachings
and cultural messages imply shame around shortcoming. For example, some books
on the law of attraction tell you that if you do not manifest your intentions,
it is because your thinking and feelings are defective, and thus not aligned
with your intention, and yet these teachings rarely give you advice on what do
to if and when you screw up. Falling short is part of life. Being dysfunctional
in one area or the other is normal for everyone. Because these books and
cultural messages make it seem like everyone who applies their complete
attention and consistency in their practice succeeds, it makes you feel like
“less than” when you do not succeed the first time or in the time span you feel
you should. These teachings do not give you feedback on how to deal with the messes
you make.
In the case cultivating new habits from
scratch, you will fail. You will screw up. You will stub your finger while
shifting the gears in your old car and yell obscenities about your old piece of
$#*% car. Or you will wake up with headache and choose to give God thanks for
the day. But it will pour down rain, the dog will get sick, the car won’t
start, you’ll spill coffee all over yourself, and your students will talk all
the way through class about how boring the lesson is that worked last term, and
you will cave to the Murphy’s Law of the day, and be grumpy. We are all human.
We all have days like that. And it is okay.
What matters is that we are gentle with
ourselves. We are removed from where we need to be when we grumble, curse, and
complain. But society has a way of making complainers feel like less than
worms, and beating on yourself doesn’t accomplish anything either, so don’t.
Don’t give yourself a beating for groaning and grumbling like Grumpy Smurf,
growling, “I hate Mondays” and “I hate the rain.” Simply take a step back, look
at your situation, change your mind, and move in a new direction. Give your mistake(s)
to God, and ask for his forgiveness and guidance. And move on for Pete’s sake,
whoever Pete is.
Gratitude must be cultivated, so if things
don’t naturally come easy to you, if you are not a natural optimist (I don’t
think there is a such a person), or if you have a bad day, so what. It’s okay.
Not everyone is a luscious fern or a plate spinner. Some of us start off as
Grumpy Smurf. Simply start over now. The moment of transition and grace is an
occasion for gratitude--gratitude that you didn’t beat on yourself, gratitude
that you learned from your experience, gratitude that you didn’t turn blue like
Grumpy Smurf, gratitude that everything is okay, gratitude that there really is
so much to be thankful for and you can see it.
